an update

I am almost done with my first semester of college. It was quite rough on me until I changed my scheduled. I really had to learn my limitations and work around them. If you did not already know I moved out several months ago. My cell phone number is still the same if you ever need to get a hold of me.
I am taking one class in the summer, it is an American Sign Language course. In the fall I plan on continuing my Associates in Liberal Arts and purse a Certificate in ASL if I like it enough.
I'm still very lonely. I try not to let that effect my life much. I still have not found another shrink I life. My dwindling supply of medication that works only a third of the time still concerns me. I wake up feeling like I have received a baseball bat to the head regularly.

almost a human being

I honestly write for no one but myself. Its only of the few resolves I have besides listening to music. It keeps the stranger at bay.
My belief is to never stop questioning everything, you just have to know what not to question sometimes for your own sanity. Questioning people is quite tricky I would rather live without hurting someone if questions that don't have to be asked are left while someone tries to put their life back together. I am trying that as well. Its getting better but sometimes just take time.

I have my class schedule for the spring semester. The courses have been paid for already. I need to get my books sometime before the 12th of Jan. I almost feel slightly accomplished.

I keep trying but no end is near. I hate having to take pills to go to sleep, you never know when your going to wake up. I am here litless and utter in contempt. No rest for the wicked I guess.

Quite frankly I cannot express in words the urges and annoyances I have to deal with on a daily basis, guilt kept me here for longer than I wanted and no I am paying for it in more than a few ways. I will move out as soon as It is humanly possible for me too. I can not continue like this.

I could list all the things that have gone wrong within the past week, but that would not change a single thing.
I am frail. I am going about my day the best I can.

a note on this week

history was made. Honestly everyday will become history the next. I am struggling with sleep. Bitterly fighting with it for rest. I looked in the mirror this morning and I look like a corpse.