So I forgot I about this thing. New Brand title but still under the same weird moody management!-

 Oh I am still moody, just less self loathing. 

What I once believe is unbearable is believe it or not something you can live with. I did not know fifteen years ago that I would have endured the traumatic life altering health crisis that have forever changed my body, but I have survived. As naïve as my condition made me I did not know that the road would be rougher, and it continues to be rough. I still am coming to terms with things and looking for a way to make a better life for my self as I push a later age. I feel unaccomplished yet I have accomplished things others have not. I have walked a different path and I cannot judge my own inherit value by the value others. I am still here, and I am still trying, everyday I am thinking and making an effort to put pen to paper to make something. I am there to console my friends through their darkest times, as I have walked in total darkest and huddled in the darkness until I found a match to lit to find some respite. 

What I know for sure is that I still have attempts in me to do something that is beyond myself. I still have ideas and when my energy is available I will push it towards the creation of those ideas. 

This is my second date with this woman I am fond of. I have not seriously dated anyone in almost 5 years. I might seem calm, but oh I am quite excited about the good time I will have with a bright woman that I connect with.

Do I think too much?

Well I had a perception based alteration occur a few days ago. I took a trip north, my first trip ever across the mason dixon line. I am glad traveled there, and spent time with an old friend.

What we think our lives are about.

You wake up and think of the things you have to do that day. What prevents your from thrashing that aside and doing what you want to do. Economic sensibility usually prevents us from doing what we want to do and shoes up towards what we have to do to continue our own existence.

The confines of what I think is real

My medicine is completely off. I only have one type of meds left and I forget to take them regularly. Financial windfall after accident has led me to having to leave what has been my domicile for 6 months. I will continue to get worst after I move this week. I know this for a fact.

a bit of wit on my taste of music

I tend to like various forms of music. I like to boil it down to the essence and let the music itself not just the words speak to me. Lately I am lending to music that incorporates strings and orchestra into pop/rock/indie/or Synth that I am listening to. Its finding the little jewels that have the haunting essence of such songs as "song to the siren"
Must so eerily beautiful that I seem to lose myself in the sounds that make me wish to lash my self to the deck of my vessel.

an update

I am almost done with my first semester of college. It was quite rough on me until I changed my scheduled. I really had to learn my limitations and work around them. If you did not already know I moved out several months ago. My cell phone number is still the same if you ever need to get a hold of me.
I am taking one class in the summer, it is an American Sign Language course. In the fall I plan on continuing my Associates in Liberal Arts and purse a Certificate in ASL if I like it enough.
I'm still very lonely. I try not to let that effect my life much. I still have not found another shrink I life. My dwindling supply of medication that works only a third of the time still concerns me. I wake up feeling like I have received a baseball bat to the head regularly.