Mourning

 

For Kristen Moskway

“A life that touches other goes on forever.” 

                                    Unknown

 

I shall breathe and channel these emotions into words, letting the pathos flow like the rivers of tears that I want to shed. Yet I have been unable to cry for some reason and it has been years. It is some strange thing tempered out of my being from three quarters of a decade of pain. So, this is for the world. This is a physical manifestation of what I feeling but I am only able to type it out in graphemes. Ink stuck on paper over and over again trying to make peace with the inevitable that we all die. It is just whether or not we have touched the world or the lives others or not.  This is my attempt to acknowledge and cherish her memory.

I’ve known her since the 6^th grade at Kemps Landing Middle School. We were in the same group. I the members I have of then were just her smile and her general kindness, and the warm comfortable presence she brought to a situation. She had an ability to put people at ease and inherit aptitude that not many people are capable of possessing. After 6^th grade I didn’t see her for two years as she went to Kempsville middle. We had varying classes together over the 4 years of high school together. We shared one single class in senior year. Where she should her sincerity, kindness, and generosity every day. As I would eventually learn through my own personal experiences typically the kindest people in the room are the saddest. After graduation I had a spare ticket to Carrot Top (I REALLY REGRET not buying George Carlin tickets) So Daniel Yoder, Kristen, a mutual friend, and I went to the show. I did this as way of returning the years of kindness. We dropped back off at her vehicle after the show which we all actually enjoyed. That was the last time I spoke or saw here in 9 years.

Sometime in late 2008 /2009 we started hanging out emailing, going out to dinner, and doing things together. She wasn’t happy with her job and was very depressed about numerous things. We had a brief period but that went away as her energy was robbed from her by the job and her depression.

Her death is truly the first non-familial death has moved in 17 years since Daniel Yoder’s from suicide. The world lost a ruby in a sea of quartz on Monday. Now we are not exactly sure of the cause of death of her, but given the past history, and of the other context clues it is an easy conjecture to draw that conclusion. You cannot fault someone for making such a grave action. We all battel each day with out own demons. Some cannot begin to fathom the herculean effort that it takes for some to exist every singe day. They do it not for love for themselves but for the love of their friends and family. She was loved by many. These are exerts from the last communication I had with her in 02/2009 “'I’ve sunk into my own little hole. ““Just don't have the energy to do anything but stay alive myself. I never emailed her back after that because I understood and I been at that point many of times.

This morning I woke up and I was sadden, I have not been this sad in four year when I saw my father waste away in less than 3 from pancreatic cancer. So how could I be like? Because I remembered that the kindest people are always the saddest, and I know this because I see it everyday in the mirror. So, I urge those suffering the most in these chaotic times to get help (or at least find someone to talk to) if you are start to doubt things just to talk. Medication is not always the first step or the right solution to solving a mental health crisis.